So Well
by ThnksFrThMmrs87
Summary: Ianto knows Jack, and he begins to doubt that he's enough for the Captain.


Disclaimer—I don't own the characters of Torchwood or the song I Know Him So Well

Note From the Author—If you've ever heard John Barrowman sing this song you'll know why I'm so obsessed with it. I had to find a way to fit it into a story, so here it is.

Ianto's last straw was a pub crawl. It sounded so completely asinine to say it, but a night out with Gwen, Jack and a visiting Martha had sent him spiraling into doubt.

The Torchwood night on the town had started just fine, with food and drinks and lots of fond memories. But eventually conversation began to stick on Tosh and Owen; and the more they talked about their fallen team members, the more Jack drank. Though their fearless leader insisted that he probably couldn't even get drunk, what with the super healing powers, they all learned differently. As it turned out, Jack not only could get drunk, he could get completely and totally shit faced.

Ianto watched all night long as Jack flirted with everything with a pulse, and put up with the raucous laughter and brash jokes that were completely in opposition of his mood. He could do nothing but stand by as the captain kissed Martha too many times to keep track and attempted to have a giggling Gwen up against a wall. Then there were the at least three bar-tenders Jack got numbers from and the one guy whose hand drifted entirely too much for Ianto's comfort. By the end of the night, he had come to the conclusion that he simply wasn't enough for Jack Harkness. After he and Gwen poured Jack into bed at the Hub and pulled a blanket over Martha on the couch, Ianto headed home.

The radio was tuned to whatever he'd been tuned to on the drive in, and he barely noticed the music until one particular lyric caught his ear. Reaching out, he cranked it up to listen to the remainder of the song, surprised to find his eyes filling with tears. Ianto had never felt any particular connection to music, at least not anything more than the average man. Still, the words of this particular song were just too close to home, and though it faded out and the DJ began to speak, the melody haunted him the rest of the night.

Jack woke up the next morning feeling completely rested and refreshed. Evidently his super healing did come in handy when it came to hang overs. After a shower and some paper work, he ventured out into the hub, drawn by the sound of distant humming. When he emerged he wasn't at all surprised to find Martha still asleep on the couch and Ianto making coffee. He smiled when he saw the latter, and headed down to the kitchen with a spring in his step.

"Morning, Ianto, have some of that for me?"

Ianto held a steaming mug of perfectly doctored coffee out to his boss with a distracted noise that sounded vaguely like an affirmative, looking down at his phone the whole while. "That all?" he questioned distractedly.

Jack's head turned curiously as he watched the younger man. "Rift activity?"

"No," he told him, glancing up and back down rapidly. "Just looking for something."

He was off in the direction of the hothouse in a split second, and he was almost halfway there when Jack realized the humming that had drawn him away from his office had been coming from Ianto.

The humming became almost non-stop after Martha went home. Whatever Ianto did, wherever he went with the exception of Weevil hunting, he seemed to unconsciously hum that song. He never sang, no one ever heard the words; but the melody became a constant presence in the Hub. Jack and Gwen both asked him about it, but he would only shrug and say he'd heard it somewhere. For a little while the humming would stop, and then Ianto's mind would kick back into gear and that quiet unconscious accompaniment would begin again.

It went on for weeks; long enough that Gwen and Jack could hum the song along with him. Without the words they had no idea what song it was, and Ianto wasn't telling them anything at all. But their bigger problem, and bigger worry, was the way their youngest team member seemed to be pulling away from them.

Ianto was an integral part of the team, and with Owen and Tosh gone it was far too easy to feel his absence as he pulled back. Suddenly he was spending more time up in the tourist office, he was barely speaking over the com when they were out, and Gwen couldn't remember the last time he and Jack had even touched each other. It was clear that something was going on, and evidently the song had something to do with it.

Gwen had a sneaking suspicion she knew exactly what was going on with Ianto, but she wasn't sure it was her place to go there, or if Jack would even listen to her if she did. She tried to talk to Ianto about it, but he brushed off any of her concerns with a charming smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. So for the moment she let it go, though she knew that something would have to break before long. It always did.

"When was the last time Ianto and I kissed?"

Gwen looked up from her computer with a smile. "Why would I know the answer to that question better than you?"

Jack heaved a sigh and shook his head. "Because I can't remember; I can't remember the last time we kissed or even touched and I definitely can't remember the last time we…"

"Too much information, Jack!"

He flashed her that grin of his but it quickly faded to a frown. "He's pulling away, and whatever's going on has something to do with that song he's been humming nonstop. It's so familiar and I can't figure out what it is."

Gwen debated her words long and hard before she spoke, deciding that this would never end if she didn't do something. "It's I Know Him So Well; it's from the musical Chess?"

"Well then it makes sense that I'd know it, met the composer once; nice guy. Of course that was before the obsession with beasts and lions and princesses. Would have been interesting during that period though."

She rolled her eyes back in her head. "Just listen to the song Jack. Listen to the words."

It was like he didn't even hear her. "Why would Ianto be humming something…."

"Captain Jack Harkness, pull that daft head of yours out of your ass!" she cried as she stood, looking rather menacing, all things considered. "Listen to the song, pay attention to the words, and think long and hard about when the humming started."

His brow furrowed when she slapped a CD into his hand. "Gwen."

But she was already headed off across the Hub, muttering under her breath. "Lived so long, dealt with so many people, and so completely clueless about love; how on earth does Ianto put up with it?"

He looked down at the disc. "Well hell."

At first all Jack could wonder was how long Gwen had been packing around the CD, and correspondingly how long she'd known exactly what was wrong with Ianto. Then he stuck the disc in a player and almost every thought left his head. The song was absolutely haunting, and after the first run through it he felt his heart sink. He went back and listened again and again, finding more to think about each time. With a heavy heart, he played it back one last time.

_Nothing is so good it lasts eternally_

_Perfect situations must go wrong_

_But this has never yet prevented me_

_Wanting far too much for far too long_

_Looking back I could have played it differently_

_Won a few more moments, who can tell_

_But it took time to understand the man_

_Now at least I know I know him well_

_Wasn't it good_

_Wasn't he fine_

_Isn't is madness, he can't be mine_

_But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me_

_More security_

_(He needs his fantasy and freedom)_

_I know him so well_

_No one in your life is with you constantly_

_No one is completely on your side_

_And though I moved my world to be with him_

_Still the gap between us is too wide_

_Looking back I could have played it differently_

_Learned about the man before I fell_

_But I was ever so much younger then_

_Now at least I know I know him well_

_Wasn't it good?_

_Wasn't he fine?_

_Isn't it madness he can't be mine?_

_Didn't I know how it would go _

_If I knew from the start_

_Why, why am I falling apart?_

_He can't be mine_

_But in the end he needs a little bit more than me_

_More security_

_(He needs his fantasy and freedom)_

_I know him so well_

_It took time to understand him_

_I know him so well_

As the final soaring note faded out, Jack ran his hands over his tired face. The humming had started the morning after their night out with Martha. He couldn't remember a great deal of it, but he was fully aware of having hit on anything that came near him, trying to have sex with Gwen, and completely ignoring Ianto. No wonder things had gone so rapidly downhill. Everything Jack had done that night carried a heavy suggestion that Ianto just wasn't enough for him.

Shaking his head, he stood and resolutely left his office. He was going to make this right. Granted he didn't have a clue how, but he was going to fix things with Ianto, no option B.

With Gwen out to lunch with Rhys and Jack seemingly nowhere to be found, Ianto felt slightly more content than he had all day as he made coffee. It was easier when they weren't there, to ignore the feelings that being around them inevitably stirred up. Ianto couldn't seem to suppress what he felt for Jack; which was why it was easier to just avoid him altogether. It hurt less that way when he thought back.

Logically he knew he was probably being childish. After all, it wasn't as if he and Jack had some sort of contract. Still, he couldn't help but feel that he was simply inadequate. If he hadn't been, Jack never would have had any desire to go somewhere other than him; and the proof that he evidently needed to had been littered across the pubs of Cardiff a month before.

Unconsciously he began to hum under his breath the song that had come to be a representation of everything he was feeling. Alone in the Hub, he allowed the words to flow out for the first time in a while, letting it all go. He didn't notice he had an audience until said spectator spoke.

He was almost through the song, his voice quiet despite his solitude. "Isn't it madness he can't be mine. But in the end…"

"I need a little bit more than you?"

Ianto about jumped out of his skin when Jack spoke. Frowning, he turned to face him, shaking his head. "I thought you were in the vaults." The severe look couldn't cover up the hurt in his eyes.

Jack sighed as he made his way down the stairs, never breaking eye contact. "Don't avoid the question, Ianto. Is that what you think, that I need more than you to be happy?"

"You certainly seem to," he answered quietly, turning back to the coffee maker.

"Yan…" He trailed off, not sure where to go from there. "What happened while Martha was here, I was drunk and stupid."

He shook his head. "Only so much can be blamed on drink, Jack; and this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I'm clearly not enough; never will be."

There wasn't even time to blink before he was backed up against the counter and Jack's mouth was on his. It was either challenge or be consumed, so he pushed back. The two of them battling for dominance in a fiery embrace as the counter bit into Ianto's back. As if a switch had been flipped fire and fury gave way to tenderness. Aches and pains were soothed away as the kiss played out softly, coming to a close as a sigh escaped them both.

Jack kept his hand soft against the back of Ianto's neck, keeping them eye to eye, blue on blue. "I can feel it, Yan. Why would I need anything else when I have this?"

"I feel it, Jack; but can you understand what it feels like to see you like you were that night? It's difficult to trust this…" He gestured between them. "When you get that way. It's like John all bloody over again," he muttered.

"Listen up, Ianto, and listen good; I'm not sure if I'll be able to say this again." He stared intensely into his eyes. "I want you, Ianto Jones, just you. I'm an incurable flirt and I'm vocal about it, but you're it, Yan. I'm all yours and just yours for as long as you'll put up with me."

The tears that sprang to his eyes came unbidden, but there was no use in brushing them away; they would only come back. He was silent for a moment before he looked up at Jack with a smile. "Incurable flirt doesn't even begin to describe it."

He laughed out loud, ending the outburst with a bright grin. "I know; but you're the one I'm always going to come back to. Just remember that."

"I'm sure you won't let me forget," Ianto said. "I'm surprisingly content with that."

Jack leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "You may have to remind me sometimes to behave."

"That's my job." He leaned up for a quick kiss. "I'm damn good at what I do."

"So, no more Broadway solos from Ianto I take it then?" Gwen asked from the door.

They looked over at her with twin smiles, and Ianto rolled his eyes as Jack's mischievous grin fell into place. "Only duets from here on out."


End file.
